by BURT GERSHATER
Posted in the AZ Daily Sun: Friday, December 10, 2010 5:00 am
One of my friends confided in me recently that he had forgotten some of his clothes in a hotel room dresser drawer. He told me he was freaking out that he might be losing his memory. “It’s happened more than once,” he said. Looking for some assurance, he asked me, “Have you noticed forgetting stuff lately?”
“I forget stuff all the time,” I assured him.
Our conversation got me thinking about losses, what they mean and how we respond to them. In the big picture, no matter how much we have, don’t we eventually lose everything one way or another? What can we count on?
Every morning I descend the stairway from our second story bedroom. Until two years ago, our wooden banister’s only purpose was to comply with the city’s building codes. Not anymore. Now I hold on to my wooden companion to relieve the pressure on my achy knee joints. I worry. What will happen when I can’t make my way down the stairs anymore?
Last week, I went cross-country skiing with longtime friends. Ken, an avid outdoor enthusiast, finally wore out nearly every bone, tendon and muscle in his right shoulder. Now, recovering from surgery, he has temporarily lost the use of his right arm. He won’t be able to ski with youthful abandon for the first time since he started skiing over 30 years ago. He hates it.
We all know people, both young and old, who have lost earnings or their jobs in the global economic recession. Others lost their hard-earned retirement funds and now have to keep working longer than they expected.
Another friend lost her husband of 42 years just a few months ago. When we got together recently, she told us, “I don’t know who I am anymore. I just go day to day — sometimes hour to hour.” We hugged a lot during our short visit. Even though she lives 700 miles away, I told her we’d be holding her close.
What do we get to keep? Anything? I heard writer and poet Judith Viorst being interviewed on the radio. Judith is the author of many books, including “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” and “Necessary Losses.” Her newest book is titled “Unexpectedly Eighty.” At that age, she knows a thing or two about losses.
INTERVIEWER: Does turning 80 hold any revelations for life?
MS. VIORST: Well, yes. I think one of the things that gets so acute and so strengthened … is to love what you’ve got while you’ve got it. Don’t let anything sneak past you … love it now … (be) grateful for it now.
I also heard this anecdote while attending a conference in New York City:
Sir Moses Montefiore, a 19th-century English businessman and philanthropist, was once asked, “Sir Moses, how much are you worth?” He thought for a while, and gave a figure. The other said, “Can’t be. You’re surely worth 10 times that amount!”
Sir Moses replied, “You didn’t ask me how much I own. You asked me what I’m worth. So, I told you what I contribute to charity. We are worth only what we share with others.”
What can’t ever be taken from us?
Two things for sure: our love and our generosity.
Make it a great week!
Burt Gershater is a counselor, author and motivational speaker living in Flagstaff.
