Awaken Your Inner Heroes

It is in deep solitude that I find the gentleness with which I can truly love my brothers. The more solitary I am the more affection I have for them…
Thomas Merton

Language… has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone.  And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone.
Paul Johannes Tillich

I love people. I love my family, my children . . . but inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that’s where I renew my springs that never dry up.
Pearl Buck

Twenty-five years ago, I attended a professional training program in Taos, New Mexico. I didn’t quite realize it at the time, but later, I realized I was a bit burned out when I arrived. Tired. Not interested in anything that was going on or even anyone who was there. I was flat. I had no spark. It was not like me. I was not like me.

I mentioned how I was feeling to our trainer, Bob Martin, a brilliant therapist from Los Angeles. He asked me, “Have you spent any time alone lately?”

I pondered Bob’s question. “No,” I finally answered.” My new private practice took most of my time. Home life was full, with my wife and three young children. And in my spare time I always hung around with my buddies–cutting firewood, going on long runs, hiking, skiing, eating…always something. But no, I didn’t spend ANY time alone. It never even crossed my mind to spend time alone.

Bob looked at me and smiled–like he knew something I didn’t. “You should try it,” he said. He knew I was sharing a room with a few other guys for the week. “Why don’t you take that single room down the hall? It might be good for you.”

It was an undersized room. A single bed. A tiny desk and chair. White walls. One overhead light. It was like monk’s quarters. And it changed my life.

I spent a lot time in that little room. It was odd, being alone. Disorienting at first. No one to talk to. Just me and the walls. Quiet. I wanted to leave. Go talk to the other folks. I wanted to stay. And enjoy the quiet. I stayed. In just a few days, I began to regain my interest in what we were doing. My spark slowly returned.

Remember, each of us is here for only one reason–to shine! Each one of us shines in our own way. But ultimately, it is our responsibility to shine. In order for us to shine we only have to do a few things. One, do our best in whatever we are called upon to do. Two, be kind to everyone we meet. And three, care for ourselves so we can continue to do one and two.

Creating solitude in our lives is one of the key ingredients for taking good care of ourselves–and it is the one too many of us overlook. After all, we are busy people. We have work to do. People to see. Places to go. Emails to read. Emails to delete. Groceries to buy. Bills to pay. Floors to clean. Children to transport. TV programs to watch. And a whole lot more.

Who has time for solitude? We do. And how do I know that? It’s simple. It comes under the ancient wisdom: Pay me now or pay me later. When we unplug and recharge we have a better chance of doing our best in every thing we do and being kind to everyone we meet. When we don’t do one or two well, we make little messes that need to be cleaned up. And cleaning up takes time and energy–away from shining.

Take time every day for yourself. No TV. No phones. No nothing. Five minutes. Ten. Half an hour. An hour. Two. Start small. The more you do, the more you will want. Guaranteed.

Breathe. Listen to the wind. Contemplate. Reflect. Refocus. Take a walk or a run. Be thankful. Pray. Meditate. Dance. Unwind. Unplug.

Have a great week!

It takes a long time to grow young.
Pablo Picasso

June 8, 2009

I was born 63 year ago today. Almost exactly nine months after the official surrender of Japan, August 15, 1945, on the battleship U.S.S. Missouri, officially ending World War II. Germany had surrendered a few months earlier.

I had never thought about it too much until few days ago, but I was conceived in the very first days of peace, after six years of the most devastating war in human history. What a start.

Each one of us has our own story. Each story has its own trajectory. And we are often too close to our story and/or too busy in our lives to see its fullness. So I am writing about this anniversary of my birth as a reminder to me and all of us to remember and celebrate this life we have been given.

l want to start the celebration by thanking all the Allied soldiers, marines, sailors and airmen who fought to make the peace–the ones who didn’t come home and the ones who came home, their lives forever changed. Their sacrifices allowed me to be able take peace for granted, for most of my life.

I said, most of my life, because in my 63 years we, sadly, haven’t learned how to put an end to war.

These words by Pete Seeger sing out to me nearly every day:

When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

We haven’t learned yet. And that’s one of the hardest parts for me on this birth-day celebration.

But there is a ton of sweetness that buffers that pain. A ton of sweetness that allows me to wake up every day, thankful for being born on this June day, 63 years ago, nine months after World War II ended.

I was born with the belief, deeply encoded in my DNA, that despite the darkest darkness, love and peace could and would prevail. Today, on my  63rd birth-day, I celebrate the opportunity and the responsibility to exercise that belief. That is what keeps us young after all the years.

For me and everyone I know, there have been days, weeks, months and sometimes even years when darkness seemed to take the upper hand. Love and peace were on the ropes. Today, I celebrate the power of love and peace.

Each of us was born into our own story. We all have been dealt certain circumstances–and we have created others. Our life’s story is a complex blend of the cards we are dealt and how we decide to play them. A good hand doesn’t guarantee a win. And a bad hand doesn’t a guarantee a loss. And the game goes on–every minute, every day.

Today, I celebrate my birth-day. I celebrate being given the chance to play the game. It has been the ride of my life. It has been my life.

And in the spirit of birth-days, I want you to celebrate yours, too. Today and every day.

L’Chaim–to life! Happy Birth-day–to us all.

Have a great week!

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone
Jesus Christ

Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices
Benjamin Franklin

The more one judges, the less one loves
Honoré de Balzac

I am a recovering judgment-aholic. Not yet fully recovered. Not by a long shot. But I am better than I used to be. And I am working on being better than I am now.

I am not talking about discernment today. We need the power of discernment so we can distinguish and select what is true or appropriate. Discernment is an essential, critical tool. Judgment is not. Judgment always carries an attitude of superiority.

One of the best ways to Awaken Our Inner Heroes is to be honest about our own shortcomings. Acknowledging our less glamorous traits is not easy work. It is difficult, humbling work. But it is essential.

Being judgmental has always come easily for me. Too easily, in hindsight. If someone was not as athletic as me, I could judge them. If they had different religious beliefs, I might judge them. If they had a fancier car than me, I might judge them. If a person had a different hair style than me, I could judge them, too. If they were more judgmental than me, I could even judge them. And if they voted for a different presidential candidate than me, I certainly could judge them. The list of why I might judge someone goes on, and on, and on…and I am still capable of all of these judgments today.

For most of my life I didn’t even know I was being judgmental. It was an old habit. We often are not aware of our own habits, even though we can notice someone else’s quite easily.

But there are many serious downsides to this all-too-common habit of judging. And this list goes on, and on, and on, too…

Most importantly, our judgmental habit separates us from whoever we are judging. A fence is built. I am on one side. You are on the other side. Our world is better when we can be different–and still be on the same side of the fence.

Understanding and compassion stop the moment judging begins. We stop learning. We stop discovering. I am right. You are wrong. I am better than you. You are less than me. WE NEED MORE BRIDGES AND LESS BARRIERS.

Not only does understanding stop when judging begins, so does self-discovery. When I pay more attention to your shortcomings than my own, nothing good comes of it. In sports, we always hear the coach holler, “keep your eye on the ball.” The same is true for the rest of life.

Lastly, being judgmental is a black hole. It sucks us in. The more we judge, the more we need to keep judging. It actually becomes an addictive habit. It gives us a quick high of superiority, then, almost immediately, our energy sinks. And the best way to get another quick high–judge again. Oops, now I am heading down–again. Judgment is a drug. A quick high followed by a more pervasive low.

Here is a way out. Notice when you are judging. Be honest. It’s OK, everyone does it. Don’t be hard on yourself. Be kind. Take a breath. Make a choice. Habits are not choices. Decide to let the judgment go. Take another breath. Do it again. And again. Do it often. Do it forever.

No one has ever regretted becoming less judgmental.

Have a great week!

It’s true. Read the title again…read it slowly…let it soak it… see if you can let it soak in…see what gets in the way of letting it soak in…replace the “YOU ARE” with “I AM”…and then read it a few more times, slowly, before continuing with today’s message.

Let’s start with a definition. Powerful simply means having the ability to produce an effect on our world. And all of us have that ability. It is our job to harness that ability. In his best seller, Hidden Messages in Water, Masaru Emoto made a remarkable discovery. He found that water, when exposed to loving words, shows brilliant, complex and colorful snowflake patterns. In contrast, water that is exposed to negative thoughts forms incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors. This sounds pretty far-out, but hang with me.

Every one of our thoughts creates a vibration. We know that. We know good vibes from bad vibes. We know when you go to work feeling great, your co-workers and your customers pick up on it. And when you are down, they pick up on that too. We all impact each other, whether we are doing it consciously or not. THAT IS POWER!

Look back up at the title. Read it again. Take a few breaths. It is true, isn’t it? Keep breathing. Read on.

Adults are composed of 70% water in adulthood. Babies are 90% water. Every thought we create impacts us and everyone else we come in contact with. And everyone we contact contacts how many other people? YOU ARE POWERFUL!

Here are some practical ideas to increase positive thoughts and decrease negative ones.  For starters, take yourself seriously. Accept the fact that you impact everyone in your life. Then begin taking an inventory of your thoughts. Just watch. No judgments. We are ultimately responsible for our own thoughts. No one else.

Some common negative thought patterns are worry, doubt, fear and resentment. Some common positive thought patterns are gratitude, compassion, courage and creativity.  Just by noticing what we think, we can begin to create a shift. As you notice your thoughts, you might say to yourself, “Oh, that’s my worry pattern,” or “I am doubting again,” or “I am still angry about that.” And remember, every thought we think has an impact.  What kind of impact do you want to make?

Shifting our thought patterns takes a lot of practice. But the payoff is phenomenal. Expect to see benefits at the office and every other area of your life. When we begin to accept that we really are more powerful than we ever imagined, we also realize it is our job to harness our power for the better.

Go back up and read the title again.

Have a great week!

Burt